Dream interpretation

So I've managed to find a place to grow a real garden, and not just a container garden. The University farm has garden plots available to students/staff/faculty, which is pretty nifty. Last night I spent some time mapping out what I want and where I want it. And, I think I have some subconscious... hesitations or uncertainties about my garden! I think I have some work to do... read on!

Last night I had a dream that I was going to pick out my spot with my friend who was in a wheel chair. She's not in a wheel chair in real life, but her legs were weak or something in the dream. I told her that they wouldn't get any stronger if she relied on the chair, and she agreed and hopped out and walked just fine! So we started off to the farm. The walk started out just fine, but soon we began to climb a mountain side that had lots of train tracks, or maybe mining cart tracks? We came to where the garden plots were supposed to be, which ended up being a HUGE wooden door in the side of the mountain.

Turns out my garden was supposed to be in a prison for dragons and demons. :( There was a bit more to the dream, but those are the main things that stand out in my mind, the things that I can remember.

Dreammoods.com suggests:

+that my friend in a wheelchair means that she needs my help.
+that climbing the mountain signifies my determination and ambition (to have a garden?)
+that mountains signify obstacles and challenges to overcome and also denote a higher realm of consciousness, knowledge, and spiritual truth.
+that seeing a railroad signifies that I have laid out a set track toward achieving your goals
+that entering through the door symbolises my desire for inner exploration and self-discovery.
+that seeing the "convicts," ie the dragons and demons, indicates that an aspect of myself is unable to freely express itself
+that seeing dragons signifies that I let myself get carried away by my passion.
+that seeing demons dreams represents ignorance, negativity, distress or your shadow self. It also forewarns of overindulgence and letting lust give way to one's better judgment.

I have to say that this seems to be a very telling dream! Perhaps the dream is not about gardening at all, but about my quest for spiritual fulfillment and betterment. I entered the door to my inner self and faced my darker side. And to be honest, it scared me! I ran away and left those negative emotions in their mountainside prison. The interpretation says that I'm not allowing my passion, ignorance, negativity, etc free expression, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. I confronted it, saw it, and said "No, thank you!" (in my dream at least.) Dreammoods.com suggests that seeing gardens in dreams mirrors your spiritual health. I don't know what to think that my "garden" was up the side of a mountain, in a prison, and surrounded by dragons and demons. I suppose I will have to face my demons in a more direct way than I did in the dream (um.. turn tail and run) before I can begin nurturing my spiritual growth.

Seven days without

I am giving up soda. Not forever. Not even for a month. But for a week. Technically, my week started yesterday, but I'm going to have my first soda on my drive home next Friday.

I love Mountain Dew. So much so that I've even made a ranking system of what Dews I like best (Fountain Dew, in a can, in a small bottle, in larger bottles... but never bad fountain dew or off-brand.) Almost two years ago, I would have one soda a day, usually a can, so 12 ounces. And somewhere along the line, I started having two a day. And then three. Until recently, I've just been drinking a soda whenever I happen to be slightly thirsty. And I just don't love it anymore. I used to take a lot of pleasure in my one soda a day. It was my treat. But now, it is nothing special. And I want that specialness back!

Hence my giving up soda. Yesterday was my detox day, and it was awful! I crashed about 1pm. I was just dead tired and had a somewhat horrible head ache. Luckily, it went away and hasn't come back.

I find it slightly amusing that I am doing this during Lent, although I'm sure their sacrifice isn't so they can reclaim the pleasure of something. But perhaps the fact that many other people are giving up things that they may like or enjoy just opened the way for me to do the same. So while the Catholics are giving up chocolate, or meat, or alcohol for their god, I am giving up Mt. Dew for myself! Who knows, maybe after this week is over, I just won't want it anymore. (Doubtful!)

Real snow day!

Today, I had a real snow day. As I told my dad, "Cam was snowed out, and I'm snowed in." Cam's daycare cancelled thanks to our almost-blizzard yesterday/last night. I had planned on taking him to classes with me today, until I saw my car surrounded by two feet of snow! Even after attempting to dig it out, he (my car) was in no mood to go anywhere. Luckily, we managed to escape this afternoon once it warmed up and I was willing to dig out snow and ice from underneath the car.

While I didn't get to have any adventures today, I did have some exciting stuff happen! Such as: this morning as I was trying to shovel snow away from my car I hear someone yell "Smile, you're on being filmed!" So I jerk upright, look around, only to see someone with a fancy camera pointed at me. I'm assuming it was someone from the newspaper out taking photos of the blizzard-ravaged town and not just some creeper.

Since we were snowed in anyway, I took advantage of the situation to continue my cleaning. Did two loads of laundry. Would have done more (I have about 1.5 loads left) but I have only so much space for hanging it up to dry. I also cleaned the living room (again) and swept the kitchen and bathroom floors. And I planted some lavender and bell pepper seeds. Hopefully they will grow.

I also got books in the mail today, which is always exciting. One is a CLEP study book so I don't have to take boring science classes and the other is Wicca: A Year and a Day by Timothy Roderick. Now, as you know, I'm not Wiccan. But I am a mish-mash of different paths, Wicca among them. And besides, this will give me a bit of spirituality every day for a year and a day. Maybe I'll end up Wiccan at the end of it. (Probably not.)

I decided I want to start a book of shadows. I have one on my computer: it's a folder called "Paganity" and contains all the general shadowy stuff witches are supposed to have. But I'd like one where I can flip through the pages, and put in more than just words. Dried flowers, herbs, photographs, drawings. Something more than just a bunch of .txt files.

And last, but not least, I found and returned a lost cat! I heard it meowing out in the hall, so I stuck my head out, thinking maybe someone let their cat come along to do laundry with them. But, no, it was standing outside a door meowing with no humans in sight! I knocked on the door it was meowing at, but they don't have a cat. After some hemhawing, I carried it upstairs and tell it to go home. And, very cat-like, it just stared at me and meowed. So, I headed back downstairs, planning on just abandoning it (it was safely indoors; someone would have found it eventually) and met a lady on her way up... I decided to take a chance.

"Do you happen to have a cat?"

Funny look. "Yes"

"Uhm. Is it orange?"

Pause. Another funny look. "Yes."

"Oh, I think it escaped. I just dropped it off upstairs."

Confused expression. "Oh no!" Dashing upstairs. I hear her ask the cat "What are you doing out here!?"

While living in an apartment building is mostly unfun (what with loud neighbours and stairs and all that nonsense) sometimes it can be really amusing.

a clean home is a happy home

I have been pretty bummed out lately. Not sure if it's just seasonal depression setting in because I want so badly for it to be Spring/Summer or if I'm just so stressed out by school and life in general. However, this weekend was a turning point for me, I think. I'm not feeling nearly as "woe-is-me," which I think I can credit to a few different sources...

The first is that Cam and I went sledding. Physical activity in winter? What?! Who ever heard of such a thing?! Well, I have to say, that it was fantastic. As a kid I spent almost as much time out-of-doors in the Winter as I did in the warmer months. My brothers and sisters and I would go sledding or play tracking games. Often, I would go adventuring by myself just for the novelty of seeing the woods that I knew so well in a new light, under a blanket of snow. This winter, however, my time spent outside has been limited to running from my car to a building or running from one building to another. I'm glad I finally got the chance to enjoy the winter; I'm glad I finally took the chance to enjoy the winter. And now, while everyone else is cursing this new six(or so) inches of snow, I'm thinking only of the fun Cam and I will have sledding next weekend.


The second is that I cleaned my house Friday afternoon/night and Saturday. Living room, kitchen, and I even ventured into the bedroom a bit. The only room I haven't touched is the bathroom because A)I didn't want to do laundry and B) it's a lost cause, especially if I'm refusing to do laundry. In the living room, I put away the toys, vacuumed, and folded/put away about 5 blankets that Cam's dragged out at some point or another. In the kitchen, I cleaned out the fridge, did dishes, swept/scrubbed the floor, and scrubbed the table. I also rotated the table to make getting to my plants in the window(salads and catnip) a bit easier. And in the bedroom, I had the fun task of figuring out which clothes strewn across the floor were clean and which were dirty. I love how having a clean(er) house can make me feel. I really don't realise how much the clutter and mess can impact my psyche until it's gone. But for now, the apartment is clean.

In a perfect world, I would be a kitchen witch, working magic as I clean... But in this not-so-perfect world I have issues memorizing the words to chants and creating/sticking to simple daily rituals of thanks-giving and praise to the gods. Which brings me to something I found that I'd like to share: A Witch's Ball. It's something I hadn't seen or heard of before, but I like the idea and may have to try it... one of these days.



A Witch's Ball is usually a clear or coloured glass sphere which is hung in the window to ward off evil spirits/negative energy. Or, conversely, it attracts the evil spirits with its pretty colours and traps them. These are hung in the windows, as I've stated, or they can be hung from the ceiling or placed on top of a vase. Traditionally, Witch's Balls are blue or green and made from glass, but can also be made from wood, grass, or twigs.

Another take on the Witch's Ball I found was to fill the ball with magically charged herbs. The suggested balls for this are clear tree ornaments, which are fairly easy to put stuff into. One could also paint the ornaments with corresponding colours and the like. Mayhaps this will be a fun project for Cam and me once we have herbs growing.

Snow Day Adventures

While not technically a "snow day," there is snow on the ground and it was daytime. Close enough for me.

I decided earlier this week I wanted to take Cam sledding. But to do that, we had to buy a sled! Who would have thought it would be that difficult? We checked in at least six different stores before finding what is probably the last stash of sleds in NEMO at the hardware store. We bought a saucer-type sled, which was a new experience for me, as I've only ever used toboggan-type sleds or the ones with runners.

At the sledding hill (as there's only one hill in the area; luckily for us it's on public property!) we joined another family who was out sledding. Funny story and small world story: the oldest son of the other family was named Camden. I was shocked! It's not really one of those names you expect to find multiples of.

I hadn't been sledding for years upon years. Maybe seven years? I'd forgotten what fun it can be! Even with the snow sneaking up the back of my coat and into my not-so-water/snowproof boots. We even built a snowman! Which was kicked over about 5 minutes later by a little girl.

Perhaps the best part is that Camden's monster friends came with us. They've been gone since a few days after the post I made about them, but they showed up this morning (plus one, so now there are three) before we went grocery shopping/sled hunting. He put them in my purse to keep them safe during the grocery shopping, although they escaped in the middle of Walmart and Cam had to run about trying to catch them! While sledding, he held them in his hands, except the first time he went by himself, when they sat on the sled with him. And then I sat on them. :( Oops! I think they were okay, though.

I failed to get pictures, which makes me pretty sad. But we'll be going back tomorrow if the weather stays good, so hopefully I'll be able to get some pictures then.

New year's follow-up

It's been a month and a half since New Year's. Most people have probably forgotten their resolutions by this point. Honestly, I think I had also! I'm glad I have the post where I wrote them out to remind me!

The first, being more patient with Camden, sometimes happens and sometimes it doesn't. This is probably one of the few things I feel guilty about in my life, that there are times that I just cannot be calm in the face of his carrying on about one thing or another. I realise this is something that takes more than six weeks to overcome, and also that it's more than my frustration with him. It's my frustration with him on top of my other stresses and frustrations of life, and he just happens to be the one there to hear about it. :( Mayhaps I should start exercising... Let that frustration bleed out in my sweat.

The second, "being a better Pagan," is also one that sometimes happens and sometimes does not. I again feel that connection with the earth, and the cycles it undergoes, that connection with the Goddess and God, perhaps more than I ever have. I did not miss Imbolc, which was a normal occurrence for the past several years, so I am counting that as a positive fulfillment of my resolution! Also, I don't feel as though I take Paganism quite so lightly as I once did, though this is probably most likely due to my adventures last year. (I wonder, if I had started Witch at Church sooner than I did, like in April or May, if I would have abandoned Christianity that much sooner? Or perhaps I would have stuck with it. Who knows?) I don't think I ever took it lightly, but I think that I am now much more solidly rooted in this faith and belief system.

My blog, I think, is definitely a success story, although most of the time I am saying to myself, what am I going to write?! One Witch's Story is my outlet and is also part of the success of my "better Pagan" goal, because I have to be living as a pagan to be able to write about it!

I'd like to take a moment to thank my followers (and regular readers who aren't followers). I cannot express with words the gratitude I feel every time I see a new name on my list. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my words and to (sometimes) respond.

Grow your own flower garden

Click here and then click about randomly or even not-so-randomly to grow a virtual flower garden.

Because I know we're all pining away for spring.

Frühling, komm jetzt bitte! Mir geht's nicht gut ohne dich! Komm bald!

Obligatory post on love

But first, my stance on Valentine's Day in general. I think it's ridiculous! Birthdays, Mother's and Father's Days, Just-because Days. These and those like them are the days when we can show how much we care about those we love. And I find "Singles Awareness Day" even more ridiculous. Not just ridiculous, but demeaning. Is the person who is, for whatever reason, single, so inept and downtrodden that they need an usurped "holiday" to draw attention to their "plight?" (Goodness, I'm really using a lot of dictionary-words today, aren't I?) And of course, Valentine's Day, like all secularized holidays, has been so trivialized (right down to the Twilight hearts that say "Bite me") that even if there was a purpose to it at some point in time, it has been all but forgotten now. Now, on to the show. :)

What I love:

-My family
-Books that make me cry (and, oh, how I hate them, also!)
-Good food
-Flower gardens
-Long walks in the woods
-Forgetting that I'm a "grown up" and being goofy with Camden... in public
-Camping next to a river, and the mornings when it is somewhat chilly and you can watch the river steam and hear the fish jump
-Marathon reading sessions, especially when it is a new book in a series
-Cooking for friends and sharing the meal with them
-Climbing trees
-Playing the marimba, making it sing
-Bonfires
-Old cemeteries where the history of the people buried there can only be guessed
-Watching Camden sleep
-Looking down on the soaring hawks
-Thrift stores/charity shops, antique malls, flea markets, and garage/yard sales. aka: pawing through other people's stuff! lol
-Fountain Dew (Mountain Dew as a fountain drink.)

I'm sure there are elsewhats, but those are what come to mind at the moment. Just reading this list makes me melt on the inside. So now that my insides are an ooey-gooey mess, I think I'll just end here.

Happy V-Day!

On my life

“A butterfly that flaps its wings in China can cause a hurricane in Kansas.”

I don't feel that I'm special. I don't think I'm doing something that is impossible for anyone else. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, sometimes it sucks. But in the last three or four years, so many possibilities have opened up for me that I don't think would have been there otherwise. Also, it doesn't hurt that I enjoy being a mom. :)

I've heard from two separate sources this week that I'm amazing for doing what I do. In the past I've had trouble accepting compliments, and though I still do to some extent, it's much easier now. This, however, I can't help but try to shrug off. I don't think I'm doing anything special; I'm just doing what I have to do. I'm simply refusing to allow the butterfly to dictate every moment of my life. Would they not do the same? They're in college now; if they had a baby right out of high school, could they really not find the will to continue their education? I find it hard to believe.

I'm not doing anything miraculous. I don't have a debilitating disease. I'm not trying to accomplish the impossible. I'm just securing a future for myself, my son, and my future family. Yeah, I have a few more hills and obstacles to climb, but it's not as hard as everyone seems to think it is.

Wishcasting -- Where do you wish to travel?

Wow, this is my first Wishcasting in forever. I'm such a slacker! But this week's really speaks to me, so I shall do it! (And hopefully remember to do next weeks and the week after, as well)

Jamie asks this week, Where do you wish to travel?

And to be honest, there are so many places I want to travel, that I should really name off places I have no wish to be: anywhere in New England, California, Hawaii, or Texas. Anywhere else is fair game, I think.

But, where I'd really like to travel:

to Stonehenge. Even before I learned I was a Witch, I wanted to go to Stonehenge. Now, I have even more reason to visit.

to South Dakota. This is where my mom's family comes from. Part of her family, anyway. All of her cousins 'n such are there. She always talks about going back, and I guess that has bled off onto me a bit, since I now want to go, too!

to a place I'm not sure exists. In the post where I accepted the Kreativ blogger award, I said I had an out of body experience. In this, I traveled to a little cove on the sea, that was surrounded by tall cliffs and had a rocky beach which faded into a tropical forest. It is a stunning landscape. And it is a place I would love to go back to, whether physically or astrally.

Blizzard!

It's been snowing like crazy today. We've got about 4-6 inches, and I'm not entirely sure if it's supposed to stop sometime soon. And even though I've named the post Blizzard!, this is very much a calm snow, albeit heavy. I was driving home after picking Cam up at daycare and the snow was coming down in a way that almost made it seem like rain. For about two seconds I was caught up in a fantasy that it was summer, and a gentle rain was falling, and when Cam and I got home, we'd be able to dance and play in the rain. And then I noticed that it was only 32 degrees F out, and it was snow falling, not a warm rain.

For some reason or another, perhaps because snows like this are good for reflecting and remembering, I started thinking about early morning. When I was younger, it was always a blessing to wake up in a house that was still asleep. It always seemed as though I'd woken to a world that was just for me and had no others. And in a house that was often filled with eight or more people, these moments of solitude inside the house were rare and just that much more special. These days, though, if I get up early, I'm always ready to snuggle back into bed and sleep for another hour or four.

And now, a message from Camden:

333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddbvvvvvvvbvbvbvbbvbhghghghghghghghghghhhhhghgcxcxcxcxcxzxzxzxzxzxzxz,m,,mm,m,m ,m,

What defines you?

So tonight I decided to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic because I really enjoyed the Shopaholic books by Sophie Kinsella and was somewhat excited about seeing the movie. And it was actually really well done, except for the fact that it was set in America (books are in England.) Though, I could just be thinking that because A) I did not actually read the books (audio books for car trips) and B) it's been about a year probably since I read(listened!) to Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Anyway, in the movie, Becky's parents buy an RV because her dad has always wanted one. He offers to sell it to help her out, and she says "No. Don't you dare. It totally defines you!" Or some such. He replies, "The only things that defines me are you and your mother." And I was all like, awwww. lol

Seriously though, it made me wonder, what defines me? There are so many things and so many moments in my life that have helped shape me into who I am today; but do any of them define me? I guess, if you looked up the One Witch Sydnii in the dictionary, what would you find as my definition? Camden, obviously, for without him, I, as I am now, would not exist. The marimba. The sound it makes, the music it creates: that is a part of me.

Also, I am defined by my relationships, how I interact with and respond to people, but also how I interact with and respond to the gods. But this, I'm afraid, is less easily described as succinctly as something as concrete as a child or a thing.

And more into the realm of the abstract: am I defined by what I do not have or what I have given away or what has been taken from me? Am I defined by anything from within or must my definition always come from without? Am I truly unique or simply a melting pot for others' ideas and being?

Does it make a difference?

At the end of the day, aren't I still me?

Run in with Monsters

For the past couple of weeks (months, even?), Camden has been afraid of going into dark rooms because of "monsters." Lately, it's gotten so bad that he won't go into the bathroom by himself if the light is off. This is even though the bathroom door opens right into the living room and there is generally enough light to see by.

Tonight, I left him playing in the living room while I took a shower. About two minutes later, as I'm shampooing my hair, he runs into the bathroom and starts complaining about monsters in the kitchen (where I had turned off the light.) So, yeah. I'd had enough of that! It was time to talk to these monsters and tell them what's what!

I got dressed, and we went into the living room and sat down in the entryway into the kitchen. He seemed genuinely upset, so I grabbed up his wand and put it in the doorway, telling him that the monsters cannot cross over the wand, and we'll be okay. After that, I facilitated the conversation between him and the two monsters (which are brown!) I had him tell the monsters they were scaring him. Then I had him ask if they wanted to be his friends and play with him or watch over him as he slept. Finally, I had him ask them if they would stop scaring him. They told him they are friendly, and want to watch over him while he slept, but they did not agree to stop scaring him.

When he lay down for bed, he said the monsters were going to watch over him. "Monsters watch me!" How cute! But now I wonder, is this his imagination, or are there truly two (invisible to me) beings hanging out in my apartment? Who can say, except them, and they're only talking to Camden, apparently. For now, though, I hope they hold off on scaring him every time he has to go pee.

Surprise!

First of all, happy Imbolc! Second of all, I was utterly surprised to hear that the groundhog had predicted six more weeks of winter! I know it's just a silly tradition, but it was one I looked forward to every year as a child. Since high school, though, I'd pretty much forgotten about it, except for that wonderful movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.

But seriously, though, all of my signs have been practically screaming at me that Spring is very much on its way. Camden's sun on Sunday (hah!) Yesterday I saw a flock of geese flying north (in a one sided V.) Today, the salad green plants I planted on Sunday sprouted. Hence my surprise when the furry rodent forecast 6 weeks of winter!

On Facebook, where I was lamenting this fact in my status (along with wishing everyone a happy Imbolc/Groundhog Day/Candlemas), my oldest brother said that some cultures kill and eat the groundhogs that predict the continuation of Winter. My high school percussion instructor suggested sammiches. So, groundhog sammich, anyone?

Kreativ!

Bogaman has honoured me with the Kreativ Blogger Award It truly is an honour to receive this acknowledgment for what I'm trying to do (whatever that may be.) So thank you, Bogaman, from the bottom of my heart. These are my rules:
1 Thank the person who gives the award
2 Copy button of award
3 Place link to the person who gives the award
4 List 7 things about yourself that most don't know
5 Nominate 7 people for the award
6 Place a link to these people
7 Notify the people you nominate

Thanked him. Button is at the top of the post. For a link to Bogaman's blog, click his name above, or there's a link to his blog over on the right under "Blog Awards" and "Button Magic!"

Now, seven things most people don't know about me... This might be difficult...

1. I am the "baby" of my family. I have five older siblings: two half sisters and one half brother from my dad's first marriage, and another older brother and sister. My half-siblings only lived with us part of the time, and at those times we had quite the full house, considering we were living in a three bedroom house at the time!

2. Everyone knows this, I'm sure, but I'll go ahead and post it, because I'm already running out of things. :( But I love reading. My favourite books, as I believe I've written previously, are Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time, though my favourite stand-alone book is Watership Down by Richard Adams. Yes, it's about rabbits. No it's not just for the kiddies. I first read this book when I was 11, and I've read it at least once a year since that time.

3. I want to open up an occult shop, once I've paid off my college-debt and put in my time as a band director or elementary music teacher.

4. I was touched by the Goddess. Well, maybe not touched, but I can't think of any better way to say it. I had just finished a spell, and suddenly I felt this overwhelming peace and love surround me and fill me. At that moment, I knew She was with me, and She loves me, and She hears me. Perhaps the most magical moment of my life.

5. My favourite flower is the crocus. Why? Because it foretells the spring! It's always a blessing to see the crocus flowers.

6. I had an out of body experience a few months after Camden came into the world...

7. Or maybe I was just tripping from the anesthetics from having my gallbladder taken out.

And now I have to nominate people... I will do my best for seven.

Lavender Moon at One Magickal Year
Willow MoonHawk at The Wayward Witch

Okay, I know that's only two. But I've been working on this blog post for a ridiculous amount of time. (you don't want to know.) Perhaps I'll add more. Probably not.