On death and dying and the afterlife

I meant to write this post a couple of weeks ago, when it was closer to Samhain, but something always came up. I've started this post several times, but every time I either got distracted, or it just wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. Oddly, though, it didn't go away. It's just been floating around in my head.

My favourite story about my infancy took place when I was was first introduced to my extended family when I was only a few days old. My Papa, who as a rule, did not like babies until they could walk and talk, told my Mom, "Give me my baby!" And he took me and held me. And from that day, much to the shock of the entire family, I was his baby. He died, I believe, a few months later. Mom always said he took to me because he knew he wouldn't have a chance later, that he knew something was going to happen to him. Even though I never knew him, I still cry thinking about him. Hell, I'm crying as I write this. I can feel his love.

As a child, when I was just an assumed Christian, because I knew nothing else existed, when I prayed to God, I would also pray to Papa. Sometimes I wouldn't even talk to God, I would just talk to Papa. I knew, with the knowledge only a child has, that Papa was in Heaven, with nothing better to do than to sit on a cloud watching his favourite grandchild and listening to her prayers.

I never dreamed that my views on the afterlife would change so drastically. I no longer believe in Heaven in the way I remember knowing it to be as a child. Heaven isn't where we go for an eternity after we die. Can you imagine how boring that would be?! Walking around on the clouds, with nothing to do?! Ew.

In the show Dead Like Me, the afterlife is personal, although you don't see what actually takes place once a person enters their afterlife: you only catch a glimpse of it. The one I remember most clearly was that of an Irishman. His afterlife was on the cliffs of (Ireland somewhere, I'm assuming) overlooking the ocean. I also remember a young girl's afterlife was an amusement park. It's an interesting concept. One can also see that concept at work in the movie (and book!) What Dreams May Come. The dead go to their own private world, while God is... out there... somewhere. They can choose to remain in their world for however long they wish, then they can return to earth and be reborn.

I find it amusing that my theology of the afterlife is based off of this show and this movie/book. But those views fit in with what I believe, what I've believed for a long time. In one of my books about Wicca/Paganism, the author states that as Witches, we are not reborn in order to learn lessons and "progress," but, rather, because we enjoy living. We enjoy life. This sentiment really speaks to me. Would eternity of no worries or stress really be that awesome? Wouldn't happily ever after become redundant?

After I die, I don't know what great adventures I will have. I don't know that I'll get to have any. But I can only hope that they offer challenges that will sustain my drive to overcome. Perhaps I will get the chance to be reborn. Perhaps the life after this will be in its own place and time, another stepping stone to where ever my soul is headed. But I sincerely hope that whatever it is, it isn't boring!

Jumbly thoughts (Post recovery)

This is quite the interesting post! It really is just a jumble of my thoughts on the subject, when I'm still fairly green to the idea of Christianity. I can see my feet starting to turn down the conjoined path of a Christopagan. "I'm a Witch who believes in Jesus. A Christian who would throw out the Bible."

I also raise some (pretty good, in my opinion!) questions about the nature of Heaven and afterlife. Before I believed that we just kind of hang out in Summerland (or wherever) until we choose to be reborn. That we choose to be reborn, not to correct past indiscretions or even to learn (reaching Nirvana), but because of our love of life, our love of living. Christian heaven is where we spend eternity with God. But doing what? Are we just zombies on that plane, because, really, what is there to do?! At the moment (for a long while, really), my view of the afterlife is based on the book and movie What Dreams May Come. More on this later!

I also go into pantheism. Not all pagans are pantheist; many probably don't even know what it means. But I was/am. God/dess exists fully in everything, and yet S/He is still separate and apart from everything. One of those contradictions all religions are so fond of. I see science and reason as the revealing of God/dess. A scavenger hunt, I called it in this post. Every thing we discover about our natural world takes us one step closer to discovering God/dess, and that makes seeking intelligence holy.

16-04-2009
I am unsure where I am in my life and where I am headed. I don't know what I believe. I know what I want to believe, but I'm not sure that I can without changing it into something else. Something more like me. I'm a Witch who believes in Jesus. A Christian who would throw out the Bible. Life is messy and messy is supposedly fun. And my contradictions are most definitely messy and most definitely not fun. I feel God, the Ultimate Supreme Being, when I'm in church. No, when I'm in Dan's church. I didn't feel Him at Dad's. I still hold a pantheistic world view. As a Christian. Hah! But God isn't some, no, God CAN'T be some separate person. God is within us all. Within everything. The Holy Spirit, if you will. I have a chunk of God within me, yet it's more than that. God is infinite, and in His infinity, He is within me. I don't have just a chunk of God, but ALL of God. All of God is in you, and the next person and the next. Even non-believers. Even Eric, who chooses science/reason as victors in this battle between two ideals that go hand in hand. Science and reason simply reveal to us God's plans. For thousands of years, people didn't know enough about how things worked to understand evolution. Now we do. We discover God in everything we do. It's like a scavenger hunt! How much can we discover about this world of His, of ours, before we leave it? Does he send us back to learn more? Do I have to stay in Heaven for eternity? What is there to do? It has been my suffering which has made me the person I am, the person I love. There is no suffering in heaven, no trials, no sadness, no pain. So... What's the point? It is these things that create the fulfillment of life. Shouldn't my afterlife be just as fulfilling? Moreso even?

I know this is rambly and not well-thought-out at all. Didn't really have a plan coming into it. So it's just my thoughts, I suppose... So many thoughts just tumbling around. It's no wonder I'm confused. ^.^