to be a witch

To be a witch is to...

love and be loved

know everything and nothing at all

move among the stars while staying on earth

follow the moon

change the world around you and yourself

live with the earth, not just on it

dance and sing and hold hands with the universe

share and give, while receiving all the while

BE magic, not just perform it

be honourable or nothing at all

accept others

harm none

know what you feel is right and good

see beyond the barriers

honour the gods and yourself

be one with the gods

study and learn

be the teacher and the student

acknowledge the truth

be truly free

Found an image with this listing on it, except the listing was in a super random order (and it likely still is even after my tweaking) and had some grammatical errors... so I fixed it up. Every time it comes up (with a new person) that I'm a witch, they tend to ask me what that entails/what I believe... I'm thinking I should print this stuff out on business cards to hand out to the nosycurious people who should really just mind their own business.

Witness this!

Several months ago, a Jehovah's Witness came knocking on my door. And since I was (and am) trying to no longer be the intolerant person who slams the door in the face of such people, I let her talk to me. And I told her she could come back.

I think that may have been a mistake.

Every so often, she knocks on my door with a new pamphlet, new Bible verses to quote to me, and new friends to peek inside at my usually-not-so-clean apartment. (Last weekend she had her husband and son. Cam and I were watching A Bug's Life and I left it running while talking to her. Her son was standing there watching it; at one point his mouth had fallen open and he was just staring at it, entranced. Are Jehovah's Witnesses against talking animals? If they are, oops.) The last pamphlet (book, actually) she gave me was filled with what I would call complete nonsense. Now, I understand some people would say the same about my beliefs, but one of the so-called points in the book is that death is unnatural. Just thinking that makes me shudder.

As she and her husband and her son watching the movie stood outside my door, although by the end of it all, she had somehow ended up over my threshold, I told her that this (the Bible, Jehovah's Witness religion) just wasn't my cup of tea. So what does she do? She quotes the Bible at me. After I explicitly said I don't think the Bible is directly from god. I don't care if translations we have floating around today match translations from 1000 years ago. A book cannot be divine without usurping the place of Deity. But she told me that the more I read the Bible, the more I would come to realise that it truly is the word of god. I'm not entirely sure she realises I'm not a Christian.

What a road I've been on this last year, no? You, my readers, haven't been on it with me the entire time, but if you've read my first posts, you've seen my thoughts from this time last year. I was utterly convinced that Christianity was where my path lay. And, of course, I am now utterly convinced that my path lies anywhere but.

As an aside (and for something a bit more positive in this post!) I have been plotting. And you shall soon see the fruits of this plotting, and hopefully you will enjoy. :)

To be, or not to be... in the closet!

This is a question that troubles many of our fellow Witches and Pagans. Should we keep our beliefs hidden, or shout it to the world what we know to be true... or something in between? I came to Paganism when I was thirteen(ish). At that time, I was actively, if not openly, searching for a religion or non-religion that could hold up to my world view in ways that Christianity, and my understanding of it, could not. I tried many: atheism, Satanism, Buddhism, and finally Wicca for many years before becoming a generally-whatever-goes Pagan.

I remember quite clearly one instant in my first days of Wicca. I was studying it, as one does, when my mom came home. Now, I wasn't trying to hide it, because I saw nothing wrong with it. So, it was very much a surprise when she FREAKED OUT about seeing a pentacle on the computer screen. I was so excited to have found a religion that worked for me, and I wanted to share it with her. And what did she do? She banned me from it. And as all teenagers do, I studiously followed her wishes completely ignored her! Even after that, it never occurred to me that I shouldn't tell a soul I was no longer Christian. I was quite open about it at school, though I knew better than to say anything at home. Eventually, my mom found out anyway, and she finally came to accept me. My brother and dad never said much about it, and after my then-god-fearing sister gave me the cold shoulder for several years, we are now very close and she very much accepts that my beliefs are right for me.

Since those first days I've never tried to hide the fact that I'm a Pagan. I never really advertised (aside from openly wearing my pentacle on a regular basis) but I didn't hide it, either. Yes, I experienced confrontations, from friends as well as complete strangers. (Yes, creepy guy eating Chinese food, I am reading a book called Celtic Myth and Magic. No I don't want to talk to you about your God who supposedly hates everything not directly under his power.) But I've never actually worried about what my being Pagan might mean. At the moment, it means the end of a relationship, because my boyfriend cannot/will not accept that part of me. However, I've also started worrying about my career. I want to be an elementary music teacher (or maybe middle school/beginning band teacher), and I have only two years until I start looking for a job in that field. What effect will my being Pagan have on my ability to find a job? I'm not going to put on my application/resume, "Hey, I'm an Earth-worshipping witchy Pagan," but at some point, it will surely come to be known. And, of course, this is on top of the fact that I'm a single mother.

I hope, though, that I will end up either in an area with a relatively high number of pagans (Southwestern MO seems to have quite a few, especially compared to the ~10 to be found in NEMO), or in a metro area where keeping my social life separate from my work life will be relatively easy. So, it seems I shall remain outside of the dusty broom closet (because who dusts the broom closet?!) And hopefully, I will pave the way for future Pagan teachers in this primarily Christian world.

Chants, Songs, and Prayers

I made a resolution to be more religious. Or maybe not. I don't remember what I said and I'm much too lazy to go look! On Monday, I received in the mail a book I ordered sometime after Christmas (yay for gift cards!) called "A Book of Pagan Prayer" by Ceisiwr Serith. In it he writes about the importance of prayers and offerings to us Pagans. Our gods aren't omniscient, they have better things to do than stick their nose in our business every hour of the day. The gods, ancestors, and spirits are akin to our fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, cousins, friends, so why shouldn't we talk to them? As for offerings, he says these are important in closing the cycle. We witches see life, nature, and history as an endless loop: birth, life, death, rebirth; summer, fall, winter, spring, summer again. When we take what the gods freely give to us but offer nothing in return, we break the cycle. It should be, the gods give to us, we take from the gods, we give to the gods, the gods take from us, und so weiter. I think this book will be elemental in helping me get more in touch with the gods as well as introducing religion into Camden's life.

I spent quite a bit of time searching online today for chants and songs, too. Handy little things, these are, when one is in need of magic or even grounding. This page has chants, rhymes, songs, and couplets on numerous topics. Very handy for when I'm in need of a little magic with no time for a "proper ritual." And for me, that's generally all the time. lol I hope these will also be useful in introducing Camden to Paganism. I grew up with "Little Miss Muffet" and "London Bridge is Falling Down." Camden will too, along with rhymes like "She changes everything She touches: Everything She touches changes" and "We are a circle; within a circle; with no beginning; and never ending."

Life of Pi and One Witch's Story

Today (and some of yesterday, I guess) I read most ofLife of Pi by Yann Martel, not for the first or even second time. I say I read most of it, because I skimmed parts that I find particularly tedious the fourth or fifth time around. Besides, I knew what I wanted to read. When it first came out, or when it first became popular, it was known as "that book about the kid on a life raft with a tiger!" And that's why I read it. But it is also about zoos, survival, and a boy loving God. The boy, Pi, is Indian, and as such, is Hindu. But during the course of his youth, he is introduced to both Christianity and Islam in a peaceful, calm, and unassuming manor. He accepts both, along with Hinduism, as his Truths. His religions. He does none of what I tried to do with Christianity and Paganism, which is combine them into one religion that espouses the best of both. Instead, he believes in all three of them fully and separately. Something I don't think I could do, honestly.

In one part he asks his mother for a prayer rug and to be baptized, and she tells him he cannot be a Hindu, a Muslim, and a Christian; he must choose one. And he asks about his uncle/friend of the family who is a citizen of both India and France, with two passports. His mother says there is only one nation in the sky; to this, Pi asks, "Then shouldn't all passports be accepted?"

This book is filled with much wisdom. I can see myself in Pi, a young sixteen year old boy from India, in that I see the Truth told in every religion and accept it as valid, even if I myself cannot (or will not) subscribe to more than one.

Another wisdom from this book: words imply invention, and invention implies story.

Isn't telling about something... already something of an invention? Isn't just looking upon this world already something of an invention? ... The world isn't just the way it s. It is how we understand it, no? And in understanding something, we bring something to it, no? Doesn't that make life a story?

And in this quote, I found the inspiration for a new name for my blog. (Even if my "Witch at Church" title has managed to find me a follower or two in the last few days.) In a blog, we tell how we look upon the world. Even in blogs that stick to the facts, invention runs rampant. So what are blogs other than a story, especially blogs such as mine that don't deal entirely with politics, but rather the warp and woof that make up a life. And if life is a story, what is mine other than one witch's story?

my attempt

It's ironic that my being a Christian was a phase, when my parents were convinced that I would turn away from Paganism years ago. It's been a surprisingly short phase, too, since I only started considering myself a Christian in March or April. When I told my boyfriend (and later my mother) that it just wasn't working out, both asked me why and "what about it isn't working out?" And I couldn't come up with an answer. It's like trying to tell why you prefer one food or colour or hairstyle over another.

But this is my attempt:

As a Christian, I missed god. The Christian god is supposed to be personal, but I always felt disconnected from Him. Maybe because of the traditions and connotations that come along with Christianity. You talk to God in church. You worship God in church. You praise God in church. You talk about and learn about God... in church. Christianity, to me, feels like what I want to call a "building religion." Yes, congregations will still gather together if their church building is destroyed in a disaster, but that seems like the only time anyone ever espouses the notion that a church is the congregation and not the building.

As a Pagan, I see god in everything. I worship god at every step of the day, because the simple act of living is a way to praise the gods and give thanks. "All acts of love and pleasure are my ritual" as says the Charge of the Goddess. Observing nature becomes a way of observing god. As I watch the changing of the seasons, I see the life, death, and rebirth of the gods. When I see a new plant thrusting forth from the earth, I see the promise and gift of new life. God is not contained in a book. God is not contained in a building. The gods reveal themselves in all that is around us.

It seems I truly am a witch at heart. I tried very hard to be a Christian, and I very much wanted to be one. Even knowing there were other Christopagans wasn't enough to keep me bouyed in my journey. I still lack the words to explain why I chose Paganism over Christianity and even Christiopaganism. It's just... Paganism is what I know, it's what I'm comfortable with, it's what I believe. I don't have to compromise.
I know my mother is really disappointed in me, that I've "regressed" into my witchy self. Maybe she's geniunely upset by it. I don't know how my boyfriend feels... He hasn't said anything about it since I told him. I haven't told anyone else. Like I said in an earlier post, it's slightly embarrassing, because now I have to retract all those statements of "Hey, I'm a Christian now!" It's entirely possible that I could have continued on as a "Christian." But, I prefer honesty. I have to be true to myself. And I have to be true to the world.

time to get comprehensive

This semester I'm taking a public speaking class, and for it I have to give a variety of speeches. The first was a demonstration speech (knitting), the second an analysis speech (genetically modified crops and their possible effects on world hunger), and the third speech is supposed to be persuasive. There are many things I feel strongly about, that I would love to give a speech on, but many of these things I don't feel I could argue rationally. Such as religious tolerance (what's the big deal? if it's not hurting anyone, let them do what they want! worry about your own soul! etc with a few f-bombs, prolly). Another is equality in marriage laws--aka gay marriage. This nearly makes me quiver with rage, just thinking about it! Especially when the terms those homophobic and (usually) religiously zealous bigots give themselves: pro-family, protectors of the institution of marriage. ... But perhaps that rant is for another post, another time.

The topic I've decided on is comprehensive sex-ed, via whatever source available. Abstinence only sex-ed claims to teach you "how to have the BEST SEX of your LIFE," but for the person who decides to not wait (or chooses mediocre sex) they are grossly under-informed, or worse misinformed, and ill-prepared for sex in what may or may not be a committed long-term relationship. In seventh grade, the abstinence teacher stood in front of my class room and told my class that a condom had to be as thick as a balloon in order to prevent the HIV virus from permeating through it. That when you open a condom, you're supposed to unroll it and look for holes before using it, and since no one does that, that's why they don't work, because there are often holes. That having sex before marriage (aka, I'm assuming, a commitment before God and family since the abstinence teacher was a pastor) would devastate the relationship and all future relationships.

I realise abstinence is the ONLY way to COMPLETELY prevent babies and (most) STD's (depending on what a person's definition of abstinence is). But in today's society, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to wait until marriage, since many people are choosing to pursue careers before settling down to create a family. (Unless of course, you're gay and not living in one of the few states that grants you the freedom to legally express your love for another person with a marriage license, because, then you have to be abstinent forever. /sarcasm) I want to say that places with comprehensive sex-ed have lower teen pregnancy rates/STD rates, but I'm not entirely sure that's true, because I haven't researched it.

Morally, I don't see anything wrong with not waiting until marriage. In Western society, there is no longer that taboo on non-virgin women. Well, maybe so from the religious right, but not from society as a whole. I'm not going to be stoned to death because I had a child out of wedlock, nor am I going to be sent to some unwed mothers' group home. Even though I managed to educate myself about safe sex via the internet, sometimes I wonder if the information would have had more of an impact coming from an authority figure, rather than some teen networking site. I knew I was taking chances, but I don't think I realised how big the chances I was taking were. But I worry about the people who choose not to educate themselves. The ones who say, "well, the sex-ed teacher told us condoms fail all the time, so why should we bother?"