29 October 2010


I knew I wouldn't have much time to post this semester. I just wish I'd known what else this semester would be bringing me. This is by far the most stressful semester I've had. And it's showing. :( Both in my happiness levels (way down from usual--not good!) and my grades. I was supposed to graduate in May, but after experiencing this semester, I've decided to hold off on a few classes and just graduate in next December. This semester I've stretched myself nearly to breaking point, and if I'd stayed on course for next semester, I would have broken. So, after this semester, I'm taking it easy. Well, easier.

On Monday, I had a meeting with one of Camden's speech therapists. And she finally gave me a name for his speech problem: Apraxia. At the time, I thought, thank goodness, we have something to call it, and I didn't really think about the implications too much. Today, I actually read up on it. And it's terrifying. Not in and of itself. It's basically a miswiring between the brain and the muscles which facilitate speech. It's terrifying because there's no guarantee that he'll be able to talk clearly. This could be with him forever. Or therapy can beat it out of him, and he goes through life with no trouble. It is the uncertainty that gets me. I've said for the last two years, "well, he'll catch up." And now I can only hope and pray that he does.

It's not all doom and gloom, though. His speech is becoming more intelligible. And he's noticing (sometimes) when his words don't come out correctly. (He says "My mouth no working.") He's adding in consonant sounds where they should be, at least part of the time. Last week we were working on saying spider-man. He was saying it "buyer-man," but without a strong /r/ or /n/ sound. Now he says it Sss-pi-der-man. Which is amazing. He's an amazing child, and I am blessed to know him.

And since I know I'm going to miss it (because I always do), Happy Samhain/Halloween.

16 October 2010

Cleaning house

My last apartment was a mess most of the time. As embarrassing as it is to say, I'm not talking about the "oh, sorry about the mess" when there's maybe a spot of dirt on a vase in the corner. I'm talking about a small path leading from one room to the next, with the rest of the floor containing toys, books, dirty clothes, clean clothes, etc. (But not rotting food or anything of that nature. Not dirt or filth or refuse. Just stuff). Every once in a while, I would get the urge to clean. This urge was usually accompanied by the urge to move furniture, which often required a clear floor. But I always got too busy. Or too tired. Or too uncaring. And within two weeks, my place would once again be filled with landmines made from pokey toys or books. By the time I decided to move out, I just stopped worrying about it. I figured I'd take care of it in the move. And that once I got to my new place, I would have a fresh, clean start.

However, it didn't really work out that way. Yes, I had a fresh, clean start. However, that attitude and those habits I failed to cultivate in my previous apartment(s) didn't just magically appear. My new apartment was supposed to have a place for everything with everything in its place. But neither Cam nor I were very good at picking up our messes. :/ Granted, there were no longer toys in the living room: those had been sequestered to Cam's bedroom. But other things just filled it up. And I continued on with being too busy, too tired, too uncaring. I looked past the mess. I looked straight to the TV or the computer screen or my book. A messy place isn't a problem if you don't see it.

And then I did see it. And I decided I was tired of it. I started in Cam's room. Cleaned, put things away, purged, rearranged furniture (of course). I did that last weekend. And all this week it's been "make sure everything gets put away, Cam." And surprise, his room is still clean. A week later. This never happens. And through a serious of unfortunate events (Columbus Day, Cam having a fever, daycare closed to move to a new building) I was home most of the week. I had one full day at school, and the rest were mostly me going in for a test or a rehearsal. So my time spent at home was spent expanding the clean bubble to the rest of the house. It helped that I was upset about something (I don't even remember) at least one of those days, which always helps fuel my drive to clean. So I have a clean bathroom, a clean(ish) bedroom (not including my closet though), a clean living room, and a generally clean/uncluttered kitchen. The kitchen still needs a bit of work (ie, I need to knock a wall out and claim some of my neighbor's space to put in more storage). But all in all, my house is clean.

It's still a work in progress. It's still a struggle. But it's getting easier. After my walk-through tonight before bed, the living room will be in the same state it was in Wednesday when I cleaned. And that, for me, is a miracle. (One might even say magic).

It's more than just having a clean/nice place for the random chance someone might stop by, though. A home should be a sanctuary from the chaos of the world, and if that home is chaotic, what sanctuary can one find? I've found in the last few days that I'm happier and calmer. I have the space to free my thoughts and think. And I'm enjoying the time I spend at home.

09 October 2010

Not-Movie Night!

(Photo not mine)

Our normal after school routine usually consists of coming home, turning on the TV and chillin.

And I'm sick of it! The TV is on CONSTANTLY until Camden goes to bed. He has no chance to work on speaking, because he's only sitting there listening to the TV talk. His toys are pretty much forgotten. I doubt he would have missed them if I threw them out!

Yesterday, though, I put an end to it. I decided to take the more difficult road. (Because it is just SO MUCH EASIER to turn the TV on for him while I'm trying to get a moment alone, or cook, or do homework, or hang out with/talk to David.) We had a not-movie night. And you know what?

We didn't die! Haha! We were close a time or two, but we made it through the night. I even managed to keep myself away from the computer. I think for now, we'll just keep it to one night a week, and slowly add more days until the weekdays are all not-movie nights. (Unless we get one from Netflix that we absolutely CAN'T wait to watch).

Wish us luck!

03 October 2010


So, I bought Camden a rat for his birthday. We named him Robin (because Cam is Batman).

And, well, when we got home, I decided I wanted to know everything about having a rat for a pet. So I get online, search around. And found out I did it wrong. :( Pet store rats = less than good. (Because they're usually bred for snake food, therefore, the breeder doesn't worry about genetics or socializing the animals). And also that rats need buddies. Since there aren't any good rat breeders (or rescues) near-by, I went back to the pet store. But she had already sold all the rats she had. So we had to wait another two weeks. And into our lives came Remy and Spencer!

We're still working on getting the rat twins acclimated to living with us, but I think that within the next month or so, we'll have a trio of happy rats.

In other news, we're happy that it's October. Because October means Halloween/Samhain time. Yesterday we made a Halloween cake (from a box, I was feeling lazy!) and bought a pumpkin. Today, the pumpkin got turned into a mean jack-o-lantern (per Camden's request) and its seeds are sitting in a bowl of salt water waiting to be roasted. Yum.

Before classes started (or just really early in the semester) I started experimenting with energy manipulation. Well, I was attempting to train myself to be more open to feeling/seeing/sensing energies. Sadly, this semester has been MUCH MUCH busier than I expected (or hoped) and everything but day-to-day living and school work has fallen along the wayside. Including any magical living ideals and this blog. But not to worry! Only eleven weeks left in the semester! :)
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