12 December 2009


The other day a friend and I were running errands around town, and he commented on my choice of radio station. I've been listening to Spirit FM (contemporary Christian) since May/June, because I like the DJs and the music. But anyway, he said that he never imagined that I'd be listening to a Christian station, or even that I was a Christian. Now, this friend is really quite new. I only started talking to him this semester, and that day was the first time we'd talked longer than 10 minutes. So I'm not entirely sure where he was getting non-Christian vibes from.

Anyway (again), when he said that, I wasn't sure what to say. I mean, I can't really crunch my spiritual beliefs and reasons for them into a tiny nutshell. It's not enough for me to say "Jesus was the son of God, came to Earth to die for our sins," because that doesn't fully encompass what I believe. It is part of it, but not all of it. I doubt I could crunch my spiritual beliefs into a single blog post--hence the blog devoted to this.

I ended up saying something like, "oh, yeah, well, I converted earlier this year, though I don't think most Christians would consider me a Christian." To be honest, I barely consider myself a Christian. I did, fully. I said I was fully Christian and fully Pagan. But as time goes on, I'm feeling less and less comfortable with the Christian label and ideals. I thought I could do it. It was easy to believe, when I was reading up on Christianity every day. Now, though, it just seem awkward for me. I think because I'm trying to bend my belief systems to make them work with each other, instead of either picking one and being happy, or just letting it happen naturally. However, if I were to let it happen naturally, I'm fairly certain I would go back to being "Pagan," but with a lot of Christian influences, instead of the "fully Pagan, fully Christian" I am now.

Does this mean I'm going to give up on being Christopagan? Honestly, I don't know. And I find that very disappointing. Do I have a right for being disappointed in myself that these beliefs I chose aren't working out? For being disappointed in myself for converting in the first place? It's amusing, really, that I started this blog to help cement my beliefs. So I'd have a place to cipher through things and find a firmer footing on what I believe in. But, the majority of blogs I follow belong to fellow Witches. Why? Well, because most of the Christian bloggers I've come across follow the very exclusive teachings that I find so distasteful.

I've always hated being proven wrong. And I've seen it posted in numerous places that one can't be Christian *and* Pagan. And, while I'm still convinced that it can work out for some, maybe it's just not for me. We'll see.


  1. you definately are searching and asking yourself questions.... and in "my" opinion that is all that matters.... It is not just the chrisitan blogs that follow a strict regiment of guidelines... likewise you will occasionally find some pagan blogs that do like wise, hense the fact that many say you can not be both just one.... Yet if you are searching and have a true desire to find what it is you are looking for, it willl come to you... Don't be so hard on yourself... it has taken me 44 years to find where I am at and still my search is on going... there are none of us, not one, whom will find or truly know all the answers, at least not here in this life.... I think the sooner we each realize that and accept the fact that there really is something bigger than all of us that we just can't know everything about the sooner we will start to find the answers.... Yet I say...good for you for asking yourself questions and keeping that curiosity within yourself.... Blessed Yule to you and yours

  2. Thank you, Mother Moon. I was feeling pretty stressed out about all this, but you've made me feel much better about it. <3

  3. Don't feel so bad, don't be hard on yourself. It is so easy to feel the Christian pull thoughout your life time, it is so ever present and accepted in the world that surrounds us. And has always be a influence upon us since early childhood. If you search you will find many names for the same God or Gods taken from Pagan roots and ....for the lack of a beeter term, converted to christianaty.
    You will find your path. There will be and are many paths to chose from. Sometimes we must sample little portions of different paths to find 'our own'. I am in my 50's and still find myself searching and stepping off one path to follow another. I believe in being Pagan nothing is set in stone as it is in christianty. I was raised Catholic and they were so set in 'the rules' I was strangled!
    You to shall find your path within many paths. You will know what is right for at the time.
    Brightest Blessing!

  4. Hi Sydnii,

    I went through your posts to see if you mentioned it and you don't seem to have so I thought I would suggest this book to you: Christopaganism by the Higginbothams. If you haven't read it yet I suspect that you'll find it very informative and helpful for the path you are currently on.

    I admit that it would be very difficult to find Christian material that suits and supports you (and yes, Christians can be very blind to other aspects of God) but if this is the path you feel called towards then don't stress - it will work itself out.

    For me, the key thing is that I don't follow ANY religion. I was Christian for years, left the church (but not God) and have set off on my own journey. What I discovered is that God is out there, and no matter how comforting it is to be able to define myself (especially for the sake of community) it's actually unimportant. What I believe and how I live matter - what name I, or others, use to describe my life choices is of the least concern.

    I still use a lot of Christian language (God, etc...) and the Bible as part of my teaching, but many Christians would reject me. I love a lot of the Paganism stuff I've been reading lately, but have a distaste for a good part of the organized/fundamental Paganism I see in practice. (And we won't even go into the Buddhist, etc... things I've taken into my life...) What matters is that I follow truth as I hear/feel it in my heart. And that's all that matters for you too. As you keep on your path you'll either find like-minded people OR you'll find God-minded people who are open enough to let you be YOU!



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