Holiday Cookies!

My favourite part about the holidays is making/decorating sugar cookies! Well, maybe not making them, since my sugar cookie dough NEVER EVER turns out the way it's supposed to, but I like cutting the shapes out. Especially if I happen to be doing it at my parents' house, because my mom has buckets (literally) of cookie cutters, so we always end up with the usual wintery shapes, but also mooses, lobsters, and of course, dinosaurs!

This weekend, Camden and I bought (sad face!) some sugar cookie dough that was pre-cut (more sad face, but I don't have cookie cutters) so we could make some holiday cookies. It was a fun afternoon diversion, since it was much too cold to even THINK about playing outside.


Not only do I not have cookie cutters, but I don't have colored sugar... So I made some! 3T of sugar and 4 or so drops of food colouring, mix it up. I don't think it would be useful to save, but it worked for what I needed it for.


Awaiting the oven! (See my sugar?!)


Cam got to decorate the first cookie.


Cam's snowman. I helped just a little bit with it. :)


Nom!

Back? I hope so

The last couple of months have seen my life turned on its head. And not in a good way! I feel as though I lost a part myself this last semester. Or maybe I didn't lose it: maybe that part ran off until things get better. While I don't want to use this time or space to whine about my life, I will say this: it's been the roughest time in my life I've experienced since I was a self-hating teenager. I found it rather amazing, with the addition of so much stress, how easy it was to fall back into those self-loathing and unhappy life patterns. I stopped cooking "good" food. I had almost no time for books. (I've read... two? books since the start of the semester.) Worst, I stopped being a mother to Camden. That was my worst offense. We would get home in the evenings, and I was so exhausted and mentally tired, that I set him down in front of the TV. Every day. Until bedtime.

But thankfully, I've realised this. It took me a while. But this morning, I said to myself (and David, who happened to be there) that I don't like who I've become. My happy-Syd took a vacation and left the person I used to be in her place.

Thankfully, again, the semester is so close to being over, I can taste it. I have one assignment, four finals, and one jury (playing through what I've worked on over the semester in my percussion lessons) left. And that, my friends, seems like nothing. Even just tonight, I feel like the old (new?) me again. I was able to play with Camden without it feeling like a chore. I feel such a sense of relief and release, that it is almost as if I've been holding my breath since August.

So, now I am back. Hopefully to be posting again on a regular basis about the regular variety of topics found on my blog. (If I can even remember what those topics are. haha)

Transcendentalism

I have been very absent. And I have to say: I really miss this blog. Good news, though: the end is in sight! I have three weeks of class left (+1 week of finals) then it is Winter break. Huzzah! I'm hoping that the next few semesters, while busy, will be NOTHING like this semester. In fact, I've kind of insured this, by adding an extra semester to my schedule before I graduate with my BA. (Which, in turn, adds an entire year to my whole schooling schedule.) But honestly, I CANNOT go through another semester like I've just had.

Anyway, I've had a few high points. In the last few weeks, my American Lit class has been reading Emerson and Whitman. And really, all I can say is: LOVE! There are hearts drawn throughout the pages of these writings (Emerson's Self Reliance And Whitman's "Song of Myself"). Reading these, it was impossible NOT to see echoes of my own philosophies, and I've connected to these writings in a way that I rarely experience. (Good news: my convo buddies in the class also connect with the writings, and we had EXCELLENT discussions about them. And the professor noticed and basically said we were awesome. :D)

If you haven't read Emerson or Whitman or Thoreau, I highly suggest it. Don't believe me on the awesomeness level? A few of my favourite quotes from Whitman:

The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

I exist as I am, that is enough

Divine am I inside and out, and I make holy whatever I touch or am touch'd from

Why should I wish to see God better than this day?
I see something of God each hour of the twenty-four, and each moment then,
In the faces of men and women I see God, and in my own face in the glass



--heart--

(Photo not mine)

Life

I knew I wouldn't have much time to post this semester. I just wish I'd known what else this semester would be bringing me. This is by far the most stressful semester I've had. And it's showing. :( Both in my happiness levels (way down from usual--not good!) and my grades. I was supposed to graduate in May, but after experiencing this semester, I've decided to hold off on a few classes and just graduate in next December. This semester I've stretched myself nearly to breaking point, and if I'd stayed on course for next semester, I would have broken. So, after this semester, I'm taking it easy. Well, easier.

On Monday, I had a meeting with one of Camden's speech therapists. And she finally gave me a name for his speech problem: Apraxia. At the time, I thought, thank goodness, we have something to call it, and I didn't really think about the implications too much. Today, I actually read up on it. And it's terrifying. Not in and of itself. It's basically a miswiring between the brain and the muscles which facilitate speech. It's terrifying because there's no guarantee that he'll be able to talk clearly. This could be with him forever. Or therapy can beat it out of him, and he goes through life with no trouble. It is the uncertainty that gets me. I've said for the last two years, "well, he'll catch up." And now I can only hope and pray that he does.

It's not all doom and gloom, though. His speech is becoming more intelligible. And he's noticing (sometimes) when his words don't come out correctly. (He says "My mouth no working.") He's adding in consonant sounds where they should be, at least part of the time. Last week we were working on saying spider-man. He was saying it "buyer-man," but without a strong /r/ or /n/ sound. Now he says it Sss-pi-der-man. Which is amazing. He's an amazing child, and I am blessed to know him.

And since I know I'm going to miss it (because I always do), Happy Samhain/Halloween.

Cleaning house

My last apartment was a mess most of the time. As embarrassing as it is to say, I'm not talking about the "oh, sorry about the mess" when there's maybe a spot of dirt on a vase in the corner. I'm talking about a small path leading from one room to the next, with the rest of the floor containing toys, books, dirty clothes, clean clothes, etc. (But not rotting food or anything of that nature. Not dirt or filth or refuse. Just stuff). Every once in a while, I would get the urge to clean. This urge was usually accompanied by the urge to move furniture, which often required a clear floor. But I always got too busy. Or too tired. Or too uncaring. And within two weeks, my place would once again be filled with landmines made from pokey toys or books. By the time I decided to move out, I just stopped worrying about it. I figured I'd take care of it in the move. And that once I got to my new place, I would have a fresh, clean start.

However, it didn't really work out that way. Yes, I had a fresh, clean start. However, that attitude and those habits I failed to cultivate in my previous apartment(s) didn't just magically appear. My new apartment was supposed to have a place for everything with everything in its place. But neither Cam nor I were very good at picking up our messes. :/ Granted, there were no longer toys in the living room: those had been sequestered to Cam's bedroom. But other things just filled it up. And I continued on with being too busy, too tired, too uncaring. I looked past the mess. I looked straight to the TV or the computer screen or my book. A messy place isn't a problem if you don't see it.

And then I did see it. And I decided I was tired of it. I started in Cam's room. Cleaned, put things away, purged, rearranged furniture (of course). I did that last weekend. And all this week it's been "make sure everything gets put away, Cam." And surprise, his room is still clean. A week later. This never happens. And through a serious of unfortunate events (Columbus Day, Cam having a fever, daycare closed to move to a new building) I was home most of the week. I had one full day at school, and the rest were mostly me going in for a test or a rehearsal. So my time spent at home was spent expanding the clean bubble to the rest of the house. It helped that I was upset about something (I don't even remember) at least one of those days, which always helps fuel my drive to clean. So I have a clean bathroom, a clean(ish) bedroom (not including my closet though), a clean living room, and a generally clean/uncluttered kitchen. The kitchen still needs a bit of work (ie, I need to knock a wall out and claim some of my neighbor's space to put in more storage). But all in all, my house is clean.

It's still a work in progress. It's still a struggle. But it's getting easier. After my walk-through tonight before bed, the living room will be in the same state it was in Wednesday when I cleaned. And that, for me, is a miracle. (One might even say magic).

It's more than just having a clean/nice place for the random chance someone might stop by, though. A home should be a sanctuary from the chaos of the world, and if that home is chaotic, what sanctuary can one find? I've found in the last few days that I'm happier and calmer. I have the space to free my thoughts and think. And I'm enjoying the time I spend at home.

Not-Movie Night!

(Photo not mine)

Our normal after school routine usually consists of coming home, turning on the TV and chillin.

And I'm sick of it! The TV is on CONSTANTLY until Camden goes to bed. He has no chance to work on speaking, because he's only sitting there listening to the TV talk. His toys are pretty much forgotten. I doubt he would have missed them if I threw them out!

Yesterday, though, I put an end to it. I decided to take the more difficult road. (Because it is just SO MUCH EASIER to turn the TV on for him while I'm trying to get a moment alone, or cook, or do homework, or hang out with/talk to David.) We had a not-movie night. And you know what?

We didn't die! Haha! We were close a time or two, but we made it through the night. I even managed to keep myself away from the computer. I think for now, we'll just keep it to one night a week, and slowly add more days until the weekdays are all not-movie nights. (Unless we get one from Netflix that we absolutely CAN'T wait to watch).

Wish us luck!

Rats!

So, I bought Camden a rat for his birthday. We named him Robin (because Cam is Batman).


And, well, when we got home, I decided I wanted to know everything about having a rat for a pet. So I get online, search around. And found out I did it wrong. :( Pet store rats = less than good. (Because they're usually bred for snake food, therefore, the breeder doesn't worry about genetics or socializing the animals). And also that rats need buddies. Since there aren't any good rat breeders (or rescues) near-by, I went back to the pet store. But she had already sold all the rats she had. So we had to wait another two weeks. And into our lives came Remy and Spencer!

We're still working on getting the rat twins acclimated to living with us, but I think that within the next month or so, we'll have a trio of happy rats.

In other news, we're happy that it's October. Because October means Halloween/Samhain time. Yesterday we made a Halloween cake (from a box, I was feeling lazy!) and bought a pumpkin. Today, the pumpkin got turned into a mean jack-o-lantern (per Camden's request) and its seeds are sitting in a bowl of salt water waiting to be roasted. Yum.

Before classes started (or just really early in the semester) I started experimenting with energy manipulation. Well, I was attempting to train myself to be more open to feeling/seeing/sensing energies. Sadly, this semester has been MUCH MUCH busier than I expected (or hoped) and everything but day-to-day living and school work has fallen along the wayside. Including any magical living ideals and this blog. But not to worry! Only eleven weeks left in the semester! :)