29 September 2009

Exploring Christianity (post recovery)

Wow, I can't believe I only started this journey of mine in March. I feels like both a much longer and a much shorter time than that. My post below is pretty self explanatory. God/dess(Great Universal Power Thingy) put Paganism in my path for a reason, and if the Christian God really is part of the Great Universal Power Thingy, which if he's a god, then he is! then I was meant to be a pagan, so why convert to Christianity? The labels I listed at the end, I still find them good labels, and are probably less controversial than Christopagan, but I feel that Christopagan really encompasses what it is I believe better than saying "I'm a Free Christian." :D


I've invested so much time and effort into being a Pagan. I was happy as a Pagan. Maybe not the whole time, but it helped me find happiness. So many of my experiences and memories are tied up in being a Pagan.

I'm still unsure what I want to do. I don't oppose the important parts of Christianity, at least, I could come to believe in them. God as my Lord, Jesus as the Son of God and my Savior, and the Holy Ghost. It's other things. I guess they're important, too. Can a loving God really damn everyone who finds a better way for them to Hell? Is every other path that inspires goodness and love in a person's heart wrong? These things, I don't believe. No one deserves Hell for eternity, no sin can be that great.

This is hard, because I know it is a life-changing decision. This is... so difficult, I can't even describe it. Coming into Wicca/Paganism was easy. I was searching, then. I was searching and found what I was looking for. ...If I was meant for Christianity, wouldn't God have put it in my path then? But... Can you imagine if I'd been a Christian all that time? I would not have had Cammie, I know this for a fact. I don't know that I would have learned to love myself. I... wouldn't be the person I am today. I LOVE who I am. I love being me. And it was Paganism that helped me to this point. Maybe God knew that I couldn't have made this connection with Him as a Christian. That I could never see Him as loving me, personally. I see it now. Sometimes, when the moment is right and I'm paying attention, I can feel it. It's such an overpowering love that it almost scares me.

But... If I believe God set me on the path of a Pagan... Can I really believe it's wrong in His eyes? Perhaps He knew it was the only way for me to truly find Jesus. Maybe I'm just full of shit, too ^.^ But, honestly, this isn't to make anyone happy but myself.

Three months ago if someone had told me that by summer I'd be a Christian, I would have laughed in their face. And probably slapped them for good measure. Now, though... I can see that's where I'm headed. I have the overall picture, but I'm still trying to hammer out the details. It makes me feel better to know that Dan is still hammering out his details, too. To know that probably everyone is.

Inclusive Christianity. Free Christianity. Universal Unitarian. These are labels that please me. Sie gefaellen mir. These label what I believe in better than the term Christianity alone.

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