Exploring Christianity (post recovery)

Wow, I can't believe I only started this journey of mine in March. I feels like both a much longer and a much shorter time than that. My post below is pretty self explanatory. God/dess(Great Universal Power Thingy) put Paganism in my path for a reason, and if the Christian God really is part of the Great Universal Power Thingy, which if he's a god, then he is! then I was meant to be a pagan, so why convert to Christianity? The labels I listed at the end, I still find them good labels, and are probably less controversial than Christopagan, but I feel that Christopagan really encompasses what it is I believe better than saying "I'm a Free Christian." :D

21-03-2009

I've invested so much time and effort into being a Pagan. I was happy as a Pagan. Maybe not the whole time, but it helped me find happiness. So many of my experiences and memories are tied up in being a Pagan.

I'm still unsure what I want to do. I don't oppose the important parts of Christianity, at least, I could come to believe in them. God as my Lord, Jesus as the Son of God and my Savior, and the Holy Ghost. It's other things. I guess they're important, too. Can a loving God really damn everyone who finds a better way for them to Hell? Is every other path that inspires goodness and love in a person's heart wrong? These things, I don't believe. No one deserves Hell for eternity, no sin can be that great.

This is hard, because I know it is a life-changing decision. This is... so difficult, I can't even describe it. Coming into Wicca/Paganism was easy. I was searching, then. I was searching and found what I was looking for. ...If I was meant for Christianity, wouldn't God have put it in my path then? But... Can you imagine if I'd been a Christian all that time? I would not have had Cammie, I know this for a fact. I don't know that I would have learned to love myself. I... wouldn't be the person I am today. I LOVE who I am. I love being me. And it was Paganism that helped me to this point. Maybe God knew that I couldn't have made this connection with Him as a Christian. That I could never see Him as loving me, personally. I see it now. Sometimes, when the moment is right and I'm paying attention, I can feel it. It's such an overpowering love that it almost scares me.

But... If I believe God set me on the path of a Pagan... Can I really believe it's wrong in His eyes? Perhaps He knew it was the only way for me to truly find Jesus. Maybe I'm just full of shit, too ^.^ But, honestly, this isn't to make anyone happy but myself.

Three months ago if someone had told me that by summer I'd be a Christian, I would have laughed in their face. And probably slapped them for good measure. Now, though... I can see that's where I'm headed. I have the overall picture, but I'm still trying to hammer out the details. It makes me feel better to know that Dan is still hammering out his details, too. To know that probably everyone is.

Inclusive Christianity. Free Christianity. Universal Unitarian. These are labels that please me. Sie gefaellen mir. These label what I believe in better than the term Christianity alone.

First post!

While this blog is just starting out, I'm not new to the blogging world. Well, that's not really true, I guess! I've had an online journal for about three years and though I'd like to call it a blog, its not. Just a diary, really. But I'm going through some spiritual transformations that I'd like to share apart from my regular journal.

So a little back history on me:

I lost the little faith I had in Jesus Christ and the Christian God when I was eight. My dad had been in a car accident and was charged with vehicular manslaughter. I asked God to keep him out of prison. No answer. Four or five years later I began researching different religions and found Wicca. I identified as a Wiccan for many years before deciding to label myself as a Pagan.

At twenty I was very strong in my Pagan faith. I began sleeping with a friend of mine, not planning anything to come of it, but, alas, feelings developed. Only one problem: he was a Christian and told me he couldn't date a non-Christian. Have amazing sex with a non-Christian, yes, but be involved in a serious relationship, no. So in April, I decided to give Christianity a shot. And found, to my surprise, that I rather liked it. I love being able to worship with other people, singing praises to God, and the feeling of community a church offered. (I had never found a coven or even a fellow Pagan in my area.)

So I converted! It took about a month as a Christian to realise it wasn't quite working out the way I'd hoped. I missed the feminine aspect of God (Goddess). I missed the holidays I'd fallen in love with and come to know in the past nine years as a Pagan. I wanted those back. But... I also fully enjoyed church and walking with Jesus.

So my search for my true path was on! I found out that other people were having these same issues, though usually they were Christians coming to Paganism and not the other way around!! The term Christopagan took form in my head and hasn't really left since that moment.

So in essence, Witch in Church is about my journey as a Christopagan. My finding Yeshua as a Pagan, but doing more than just accepting Him into my pantheon.

Over the next few days, I'll move posts over from my journal/blog that are about my finding my path.