Back again?

No, not really.  But I wanted to write.  I originally started this blog because I was exploring how to combine Christianity and Paganism.  And I couldn't find a way.

But now I'm doing it again.  Weird.

Anyway, life is grand. Love you all.  Thanks for checking in.

lady bird, lady bird, fly away home

We're moving! Again! Ugh!

Luckily, we won't be moving far.  We're sticking to COMO, but we're moving to a bigger and better place.  Our current rental is.. well, it's abysmal.  We've had no end to the troubles here, so we are happily moving out, even if moving is a major pain in the neck!

We have two places to choose from.  The first one we found was your standard duplex rental-- no personality, tiny boring yard, and, worst of all, tiny kitchen.  We loved it when we saw it, because it seemed like it would work... But then a friend said she had a friend looking to rent out her house.  I was pretty ambivalent, because we had found a place already. It was perfect! Or so I thought.

We decided to look at the house, which was admittedly closer to where we want to be. We talked to the owner, who is wanting to give up living in a house and live in an RV for a while.  This house... It's amazing.  The downstairs/basement has a living area, a bedroom, and a bath, which our new roommate would claim for his.  The upstairs/main level has the shared space of kitchen and dining room, along with a living area, bathroom, and three bedrooms, which would become our space.  The back yard is wooded and slopes down to a little creek.  We'd be a five minute walk from a slightly larger creek for swimming and rock collecting. We'd be within walking distance of the UU Church AND some tennis courts.  This house makes me drool.  A lot.  I can clearly see in my mind's eye Camden having so much fun in the back yard.  Hell, I can see ME having so much fun in the back yard.  It would be so nice to live near a natural area again.

So, I don't know if I have many readers left.  It's been a while, and I'm slow coming back, I know.  But those of you who are still reading, please, please, please keep your fingers crossed that we can get this house.

pagan group

For the first time in my life, I'm part of a group.  Of Pagans.  I have gone... 14 years, now, as a solitary traveler, and now my path is converging with others.  Or, if it is not converging, it is at least running roughly parallel within shouting distance of others' paths.  The UU Church Pagans got together last Sunday, and decided to meet at Sabbats to hold ritual, celebration, and just to get together.  We'll also be meeting monthly at the First Sunday potluck, which will be nice.  Ten of us met at that first meeting to decide why we were interested in a group and what we wanted to get out of it.  Our ideas were pretty similar: do ritual, converse with like-minded peoples, learn, and accountability for our own practice (I need this so much!).

Since we aren't forming a coven, just a group of differently traditioned people, we decided to take turns leading the Sabbat rituals.  The first one we have coming up is Beltane, and I volunteered to lead it with my friend Erin (who has also always been solitary) and a woman I've met through the UU Church, who has experience working with groups.  I'm looking forward to planning and doing the ritual!  Hopefully I will be able to get some pictures (maybe I'll make my husband come just for that, hah!).

pantheist? non-theist? atheist?

"But as I continue developing my spiritual practice, the feelings it evokes reminds me that I am engaging in this ritual, in this reverence, for the very reason that I am not entirely an atheist. For me, I feel the Cosmos to be divine. I feel a divinity in its mystery, its vastness, its connectedness, in the very fact of its being. But I have yet to define for myself what this concept of the divine really means for me – and if the reverence and connectedness I feel can be called theism of any kind." Áine W., The Spinning of the Wheel

For such a long time I've identified with the term pantheism.  If you don't know, pantheism is the idea that the Divine is in everything, everything is Divine.  God or Deity or Whomever can be found in rocks, trees, stars, plastics, buildings, shoes.  Everything.  So I always said I was a pantheist.  Or I thought it, at the very least.  God, for me, was never personal, which is a large part of why I didn't continue with Christopaganism, or whatever I may have been calling it at the start of this blog.  The Christian god is supposed to be personal. And even in Paganism, with polytheism abound, choosing pantheons or choosing fitting gods from one culture or another always seemed like a large part of celebrating the Divine.  Gods have personalities; it makes them personable.  

But I never felt that.  Praying to Gaia felt no different than praying to Cernunnos. So when I stumbled across this term, pantheism, I ran with it.  It was awesome.  I felt... comfortable with the Divine, although I think the word comfortable is wrong here.  It felt sensible to me, at any rate.

As the years went by and I stepped away from the Pagan path (not to any other particular path except maybe secularism), I began losing pantheism.  It became muddied in my mind.  I would laughingly joke that I was an atheist pagan because god, for me, was all and nothing at the same time.  Could I really claim to be a pagan if my view of god was so broad that I lost any sense of the divine?  

I always hated trying to define my beliefs, because it always came down to, "Well, I'm a Pagan... kinda.  Maybe I'm an atheist... but not really.  It's complicated."  And it is complicated. Like Áine, in the quote above, I am still hammering out my definition of what god is and means to me.  It's something I'll probably still be hammering away at when I am on my deathbed, if I am still lucid.  But I like what Áine says, that the divinity of existence is in its vastness and (inter)connectedness.  

So. Pantheist? Non-theist? Atheist?

I'm a Pagan, and I view god through pantheist eyes.  God is the energy that moves the universe and moves through the universe.  God is impersonal, despite the fact that I sometimes give it a face and a name for my own comfort.  I feel the Divine whether I am lighting incense and saying a prayer, cleaning a stream, or hugging a tree, because the Divine is in all there is.  The Wiccan Goddess saying "all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals" describes my view of god, because the energy moving through the universe is love and acts of love bring us closer to experiencing the Divine.

back for more?

I cannot believe that it's been over a year since I posted here.  I kept meaning to come back and give updates, but I just never found the time.  When I last posted, I was finishing up my last semester of classes in Grad school, then spent a semester student teaching/writing a research paper/trying to find a job.  Last summer, we moved to Columbia, Missouri, I got married to my wonderful (and, at times, wonderfully annoying) man (his name is Matt), and I started working as a substitute teacher. We've made some awesome friends and had some awesome experiences so far.

One of my favorite things about COMO is  the Unitarian Universalist church.  When I was 12 or 13, a friend invited me to a Winter Solstice celebration at a UU church in SWMO, and I absolutely loved it.  I decided then that if I ever moved to a town with a UU, I would definitely be attending.  So our first weekend in town, I dragged my atheist then-fiance for a summer lay-led service.  And it was AWESOME!  So we've been going, and on December 6, 2013, we became full members. Go us!

Through the UU church, I've met some Pagans, and we're meeting on Imbolc (it just so happens to be pot-luck Sunday at the UU, so we're meeting over lunch) to discuss if it would be worth our while to create a group of sorts, and what that would mean/look like for us.  So, I'm really excited!  I started this blog when I was going through what I like to call my Christian phase.  I was trying to blend Christianity and Paganity, because I wanted to be part of something greater than myself; I wanted community.  I never found it in a Christian church.  And while I can see Christopaganism working for someone else, it never did mesh well for me.  Now, through the UU, I can have a Pagan community along with the larger UU community, all the while being true to myself and my beliefs without having to compromise.

I don't know where I'm going with this blog, if I'm going anywhere.  I haven't been active in my faith for the last year, which is probably part of the reason I haven't been posting, along with my busy life outside of the Internet.  But I am hoping to start exploring it more and practicing more, both on my own, as part of the (possible) Pagan group at church, and with my best friend here in COMO, who is also Pagan(ish).  So this blog will hopefully be going places, telling the next chapters in this witch's story.

my son the hero

I missed making a post for Camden's birthday, which was almost a month ago.  He turned six.  We had a minimally ninja themed party (ninja cupcake toppers and a homemade ninja pinata) at my parents' house.  It was fun!  Why am I bringing up his birthday now?  Partially because of something he did yesterday, and partially because of something he did in late August/early September.

I'll start with what he did a while ago.

We were walking into Walmart to do our grocery shopping, and he saw a poster for The Lorax, the movie. He wanted to know what it was... So I told him the gist of the plot... A person is cutting down trees and the lorax is trying to save them... And at some point in this, I mentioned that it is kind of telling about the Amazon rain forest.

Camden looked at me, and he got a little teary-eyed.  "I want to help the rain forest," he told me.  I told him there are places we can donate money, and they will use that money to help protect the rain forest.  He then said "I want to do that for my birthday!"  So this year (one of) my birthday present(s) to him was a $25 donation to the World Land Trust.  I tried to find an inexpensive jaguar or other rain forest animal to attach a card telling him about the donation and what it is going to, but couldn't find an animal and figured that since he isn't reading yet, it wouldn't make quite the same impression.

Last Tuesday was the first day he could check out a book from the school's library, and I'm sure you can imagine what his first choice was... The Lorax!  Astonishingly, we hadn't picked it up at the public library in this time.  Nor had we ever read it.  (He did watch the movie with my mom, though, shortly after our conversation at Walmart.)  So we read it that night.  And the next.  And the next.  Every night.

Monday, he took it back to school so he could check out a new book on Tuesday.  We got home on Tuesday, and I remembered it was library day so I asked him excitedly what book he checked out.  I opened his backpack and pulled out... The Lorax.  My kid is a riot.  :)

Anyway.  He seems to enjoy this book greatly, and it reminds him of the Amazon rain forest, which desperately needs some help.  I'm going to buy him this book for Yule, and use it as a log for donations that he makes or donations made in his name to the rain forest.

It's my hope that he remains an advocate for the rain forest, and for wild lands everywhere.  It is my hope that in the future, he will read The Lorax to his own kids and inspire them to champion their own causes.

thievery

It was a good morning, despite waking up earlier than I wanted.  I got me and Cam dressed.  I made his lunch.  I helped him play some computer games.  I fixed us breakfast.  We almost had a meltdown about Camden wearing a coat, but then we agreed that he could wear his (lightly padded for warmth) rain jacket.  Got him out to the car with his backpack, homework, and lunchbox.  Buckled him in.  Opened the front seat..

And my wallet is laying out of my purse, with my driver's license next to it.

Huh?

My glove boxes are both wide open with all my papers thrown everywhere.

What?!

Our iPod is gone.

Fuck.

Last night Camden wanted to play outside, so I unlocked the car to get my hoodie out of the back.  Aaaannnnd.... I forgot to lock it.

Thankfully, the bleepity bleep(s) who broke in only took my iPod.  I didn't have any cash, and they didn't find my debit card.  I thought I had a book of checks stolen, but remembered when I was in at the bank that I had brought my checkbook into the house last week.

I went to the police department and filed a report.  I went to the bank to get a new check card (just in case).  I've locked my car.  I've hexed the person who stole it, may they be in a state of agony every time they lay eyes on what is mine!

I never thought this would happen... But people never do, do they?  I live in a small town.  I know of several people who never lock their car.  I lock mine every night.  Every night!  Except for this one time that I forgot.  How cruel.

It isn't even the loss of the iPod that gets me riled up... Just the thought that someone, ANYONE, could so violate another person's property like this.  My protection spells on my car have always been against physical damage: crashes and broken windows and the like.  Why would I think to protect it against someone just... opening the door?

I am on edge and slightly stressed out.  And frustrated.  And angry.  I was panicked before I went to the bank, but after I realised they didn't get any of my financial information, the panic subsided.

Even if, somehow, I get my iPod back (not likely, however much I curse them)... How can I get back the feeling of security?  The feeling of peace?  What was someone doing lurking in the freaking dark around my house (which is in a private-ish area)?  Are they looking in my windows, too?  Did they try my door?  They looked at my license.  Do they know my name?  Will they come back?

Why didn't they take the charger, too?

teaching

I am going to be a teacher. I may have said that before on this blog. I might not have. At one point I thought I was going to be an elementary music teacher, then I realized my college was trying to teach me how to be a band director and nothing about how to teach general music to the kiddos. So last October, two months before my undergrad graduation, I changed my path to gen-ed.  A regular old classroom teacher.  But, hey, I will get to teach reading and writing, science!, math, social studies.

Last week I got my internship placement.  I was (and still am) so excited.  I couldn't stop grinning for about 24 hours afterward.  I can't wait.  I get to stay here in Kirksville to do it, which is great, because I won't have to worry about having to transfer Camden in the middle of the school year.  I'll be working with 2nd graders, which is the grade I have been leaning towards teaching.  Although so far I've had a pretty narrow range of kiddos that I've worked with, so I'm not really sure what it's like to work with the older kids, like in 4th or 5th grade.  Anyway!  I start in January and end in May.  I'll only really be teaching full time for about a month in the middle of that time, but I will be in the classroom for all of it, teaching at least some during the entire time.

And after that... After that, I will be a fully certified teacher.  Ready to go out and shape young and impressionable minds.  Imagine!

Just a little update on the awesomeness that is my life right now.  ^_^

Harry Potter

I re-read the Harry Potter series over Christmas break. Eight months ago. I recently acquired the audio books, because I thought they would be good for car trips and the like. Little did I know, I would once again be sucked into the world of Harry Potter. And even more little did I know, so would Camden. We've listened to books 1 and 2, and are on the second to last chapter of book 3, now.

Last week, Camden decided he had to have a wand. Why? I don't have any idea. But he absolutely had to have one. So I made him one using this instructable. A wand from a sheet of paper and hot glue! Who knew?! But he didn't like it. Apparently, wands are supposed to have bends in them. Like a stick of wood. The other day we were outside, and Camden found a stick he wanted to use for a wand. Then... He had to have the rest of the costume. So I looked. And looked. And shopped. And price-matched.

And everything was pretty expensive! I am NOT made of money, however much I might want to be. (Plus, his birthday party was last weekend, and I may or may not have overspent.) So I found a tutorial for wizard robes that said it could be done by cutting an XL t-shirt up the front. Voila! I happened to have a black XL t-shirt. Then we ran to dollar tree and found some reading glasses of close to the right shape. We popped out the lenses and tah-dah.

Harry Potter!

my summer and my return

I left the blog behind this summer. For a variety of reasons. Mainly because my life has been crazy busy. I have been living and writing my "story." In June I was teaching summer school (third grade). In July I was taking classes. In the first week of August (or the second week, maybe), Camden, my mom, and I were roadtripping. We visited my brother, who is in Ft. Knox, KY and my sister, who is in Atlanta, GA. We got home with a day to relax before Camden started Kindergarten.

The secondary reason is that this blog started out as my own religious meanderings, and now that I've finally settled down into a religion of sorts, I've been wondering what to do with this. Granted, it hasn't been a religion/spirituality-focused blog in quite a long while: not since I changed to "One Witch's Story." So this summer, in the midst of my hectic life, I've been debating whether or not to shut down my blog. But... something happened a few weeks ago that made me want to keep trying on this blog. Return it not only to telling my story, but to the religious/spiritual meanderings on which it started. What has sent me scurrying back to my blog (aside from the free time I've found in a 14 credit-hour semester)? It was something Camden said.

We were talking about god, specifically, the Christian god and how he isn't exactly a benevolent being. And we talked about Thor (who he, admittedly, views more as a superhero than a god, thank you pop culture), and the Oak and Holly Kings, and a little about the goddess. And why I/we worship them as opposed to the Christian god. I told Camden that I'm a pagan, so I can believe in more than one god, unlike some of his friends who are Christians and only believe in one. I told him that he could choose what he wanted to be, and he said "I want to be Pagan." Which, in turn, makes me want to be a "better" Pagan, so I can help guide him. So, with lots of luck, I will return to my blog on a more regular basis! And write about Pagan-y topics, as well as telling my story.

I found a kitten hiding under our dumpster in June. He's now a member of our family, though sometimes he drives us crazy. Camden named him Rock Leone.

We made a trip to the zoo in St. Louis! 'Twas awesome... and ridiculously hot!

On the way to Georgia!

This is a picture from our time in Georgia, at the Fernbank Natural History Museum.

And, of course... Camden's first day of school. He didn't really want his picture taken, but I took it anyway, because I'm mean like that. ^_^

Boating

Last time we were at my parents', Camden asked my dad to build him a boat. And every time he asked, my dad said he didn't know how. We're here now for part of my summer vacation, and it seems my dad was busy while we were gone... He built Camden a boat!

He had to go to every patch of lily pads and check them out. He really wanted to get out of the boat and sit on the lily pad, but we convinced him that the lily pad wouldn't hold him.

We don't have a life vest for him yet, so my dad waded out in the water and followed after him. Just in case, you know. But as soon as we have a life jacket for him, we'll be able to watch him from the bank and he can paddle all over the pond!

Easter Weekend

Yes, I realise Easter was a week ago. I feel that I should mention that at the moment I'm finishing up my first semester of Graduate school, so life is crazy busy. Plus, while this Easter holiday is filled with fun memories, it also holds a very sad one for us.

The sad news first. My rat Gus died. I of course knew it would happen. Death comes to us all, no? And I expected it. He's been losing weight and slowing down since December. But he lived to a ripe old age of 3-3.5 years. He's been with us since November 2011, and I like to think that I gave him a happy end to his life, with the love of me and Camden, and also the companionship of Robin. Saturday (the 7th) night I held him while I sat outside on my parents' porch swing and read. I snuggled with him Sunday morning, also. I knew he was close, but I didn't expect it. Not really. I went to town, and when I came home, he was gone. I buried him in my parents' orchard, which is close to the garden I've planted there. He's "just a rat" and I only knew him for a year and a half. But I loved him. And I miss him. He was such a snuggle bug. And now Robin is alone, which is terrible for him, I know. I'm giving him as much freedom and time with me and Camden as I can, since I can't bring myself to get another short-lived rattum to keep him company. Is that selfish of me? Probably.

And so I can end this post on a happier note: We did have a lot of fun at my parents the days we were there.

Saturday, Camden and I helped my dad get the garden in. He's trying a new thing this year: raised beds using stock tanks. He planted green beans and zucchinis in them, hoping it will be easier to harvest them. And since I'm fresh out of home-grown canned green beans, I say more power to him! And if it saves his and my mom's backs, even better.

Planting corn with my dad's fancy corn planter.

Planting a garden is hard work! Naps afterward are always nice.

We also went to Haha Tonka State Park. I was hoping to see the bats fly out of the cave at dusk, but unfortunately, I should have done my research first! Apparently the bats were still hibernating, and we saw nary a one. We did have fun picnicking at the cave, and walking a shortish (3/4 mile) nature trail with my mom, who never goes for that sort of thing because of her knees. Amazingly, we even got my dad to go with us, even though I think he would have rather stayed at home. (But I'm pretty sure he had fun, even if we didn't get to see any bats.)

A jack-in-the-pulpit. This is the only place I've ever seen one.

Me and Cam and Molly. I have zero idea what he's looking at. *cough*weirdo*cough*

Walking the trail. I cut through a grassy area to get ahead of them to take the picture. Camden got on to me for it :(

Dad jumped out from behind a tree and (tried to) scare us. We'd been hearing him making owl sounds since about halfway through the trail, so I wasn't that surprised. Funny story: He was making owl sounds to mess with us, and then an actual owl started answering him. I think he and Cam are listening for the owl in this picture.

The bat cave! The entrance is in a sink hole, so you have to walk down a bunch of stairs to get to it. They've posted three or so thermometers along the way so you can see how the temperature changes as you go down the steps. So nifty. We're going to try to catch the bats when we're back in the area in mid-May. Wish us luck!

the princess and the peas

Sunday night I had the opportunity to rescue my neighbour's girlfriend. Kind of. I had put Cam to bed, and was enjoying my alone time while browsing Pinterest. At least, I was until I heard what (I imagined to be) a person being thrown to the ground and start crying. After going through the possibilities (zombies, thieves/plunderers, domestic dispute between my neighbour and her boyfriend who live across from me, or something else) I decided to brave the unknown and poke my head out my door. It was not zombies, or thieves, or my neighbour's boyfriend beating up on her, but what appeared to be a basket of laundry spilled across the grass and sidewalk. That would explain the sound I thought. The door to the apartment next to mine was open, and that was where the crying was coming from. I knocked and called in, "Are you okay?" She answered, but I couldn't tell what it was she said. I walked through the house, idly musing that it was a mirror image to mine. She was in the back bedroom sitting on the floor with the lights off. I turned on the lights and looked her over, but I couldn't see what was wrong. "What happened?" Apparently, she had been carrying laundry to her car and stepped off the porch wrong. She told me she heard something snap. I winced inwardly, having just recently done about the same thing (I sprained my ankle pretty badly right before Valentine's day). Quickly, I ran back to my place for a bag of ice. Except, I don't have ice. Or an ice pack. I did, however, have some frozen peas. I poured those into a Ziploc bag, wrapped it in a dish cloth, and ran it back over to her. "Do you have a phone to call your boyfriend?" I asked her. She did; that was what she was after before I came over. While she called her boyfriend, I stepped out to give her some privacy (partly because she started crying again when she told him what had happened) and decided to pick up her laundry for her. After I made sure her boyfriend was coming to help her, I told her I picked up her laundry, closed her front door, and walked the few steps back to my place. And I sat there wondering if she'd just sprained her ankle or if she'd broken it. A few minutes passed and I heard her boyfriend's Jeep pull up, and the sounds of him helping her to her car, then them both leaving. This morning, I saw her boyfriend and asked him how she was. He said it was just a sprain. Thank goodness for that!

archery

Last week, I mentioned that I pulled my bow out and was shooting it. And that Camden was jealous and wanted to shoot, too.

Well, now he can!



Lookit, lookit! He has a bracer, too. And tiny arrows. He was so excited when I was opening the package; he was literally jumping up and down.



We're still working on proper stance.



A huge thanks to Bogaman for the totally awesome bow. Camden loves it!

spring break, finally!

Spring Break! *cue McDonald's music* I'm lovin' it!

So far, it's been a pretty exciting break, for all that it's only been three days.

On Saturday, I attended a marimba competition (to watch, not compete). It was amazing! The best part: five of my friends were competing (though none placed) and the majority of the percussion studio from Truman were there to a) support those competing and b) they were the featured ensemble for the concert that night! The featured marimbist/guest judge was Mark Ford, who is a pretty big name in the marimba world. It was a great day of competition, and a fantastic concert that night! My only regret is that I'm no longer a part of the studio, and I wasn't on stage performing with them.

Yesterday, I pulled my bow out of storage. Since I can successfully do push ups, I thought shooting might be a tad bit easier than it was five-six years ago when I was first learning. (Note: I haven't shot in those five-six years.) I was surprised at how easy it was. Not that I was getting bulls-eyes or anything like that, but I was hitting the target more often than not and from further away than I was shooting before.

Camden was helping me by being my quiver. He'd hand me the arrows and help me fetch them. (I sent him after the once that missed the target. I'm lazy. I know.) He really wanted to shoot the bow. But at a 45 pound draw, that just wasn't happening, though he tried several different times. Poor guy.

After shooting today, he decided that he wanted to go deer hunting. So we took the bow and arrows and went for a walk in the woods. Climbed a tree; threw some rocks and sticks into the ponds; looked for some wild animals, but saw none.

Tomorrow, we're off to explore a cave! I say explore like we're strapping on head lamps and knee pads and crawling into some dark crevice... But, really, we're visiting a cave with nice smooth paths, hand rails, lights, and guided tours. It will be exciting anyway! Prolly more so than dark crevice exploration, considering that I have a great fear of enclosed dark places.

Camping

Have I posted about camping before? Possibly; it's on my mind a surprising amount. So, if I have, and if you've already read about it, I'm sorry. This might be more of the same. (But then, it might be entirely different! Who knows!)

When I was a kid, my family would go camping all the time. At least two times a year. Wow, okay, maybe that's not all the time. But still, it was a big part of my life growing up, and I always looked forward to it. We did what I refer to as "real camping." We didn't pay to stay in a managed campground. Excepting the last few years, we didn't bring a camper. We mostly cooked over the camp fire. The first few things we did on arriving at the campsite was mow the grass and dig a latrine. (Well, the first few thing my dad and brothers did. I jumped in the river!)

I miss those lazy weekends on the river, where the only worry was cottonmouths. (Hmm.. That's kind of a big worry, now that I think of it.) I miss spending the day trekking from camp, to the river, back to camp, back to the river. I miss the cheap soda we bought to bring along. I miss the frustration of putting up a tent with it's stupid bendy poles that never seem quite bendy or quite long enough. I miss the early mornings and watching steam rise off the river and the fish jumping for bugs.

I've finally decided that I am going to go camping again. Camden is old enough to truly enjoy it, I think. I'm finally brave enough to try doing it on my own. (Probably the biggest thing that has been holding me back.) I know that I'm not, and Camden's not, going to have the same experience. And that's okay. It's not about recreating my childhood, right? It's about forging ahead and creating our own traditions.

Now I just need a tent! Oh, and it needs to be summer.

My Awesome Weekend

It snowed Friday afternoon and into the night, giving us about an inch of snow. When I picked Cam up from school on Friday, there was already a good dusting of snow. And for whatever reason, he decided he need to clear the "roads." So he ran into the house, found his toy snowplow, and started clearing roads on the sidewalk. The funniest part: he was saying he was clearing the roads to Camelot (no, I am NOT making this up), so he was Camelot's snow plow. So we played in the falling snow for about half an hour, because the wind wasn't blowing, so it felt positively balmy out, despite the snow.



Saturday, we spent more time outside, clearing more roads. Though it was a tad bit more difficult, since the wet, fluffy snow that had fallen had frozen into the kind of snow that doesn't want to be messed with. The kind that crunches with every step you take. And laughs when your snow plow tries to break through. Luckily, we had something of a staging area where his trucks could work without the snow being in the way. (Can you see the payloader in the bit of dirt? He was loading the dirt into a dump truck, taking it over to a bit of snow, and dumping it. It was "sand" to help clear the road.)



I'm still making headway in eating better. Last night, I had homemade sloppy joes. Before, if I wanted sloppy joes, I would buy burger, Manwich, and hamburger buns. But in my healthy eating, hamburger buns are obviously off the table. And with the second ingredient in Manwich being HFCS, and the third being just corn syrup, well, I don't really want to eat that either. So my sloppy joes took a bit longer and a little bit more effort to prepare. No problem. (BTW, have I mentioned just how thankful I am that I enjoyed cooking/knew how to cook before I started on this food adventure?) I wish I had had a red bell pepper, to replace half of the green bell pepper that I put in the sauce. That's my only complaint. Too much green bell pepper taste. Not bad, I say. Oh, and that I had put the onions in to cook sooner, because they're still crunchy, and I'm still not a fan of crunchy onions.

Sloppy Joes

8oz tomato sauce
1 C ketchup (I used HFCS-free stuff. One of these days I'll learn to make my own!)
1/4 small onion, diced
1/2 small green pepper, diced (or 1/4 green and 1/4 red)
2 cloves garlic, diced
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp mustard (oops, I forgot this in mine. Oh, well!)
1 pound ground beef

Brown the ground beef.
Add onion, pepper(s), and garlic and cook until soft (or to desired crunch level).
Add remaining ingredients, mix.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 10-20 minutes.


I also made my own buns. The recipe can be found here. They make an excellent GF/low carb alternative to hamburger buns and with the strong flavour of the meat sauce, you really can't tell that they aren't your typical buns.

what i miss

Mostly I miss being able to eat whatever I felt like. Yeah, I always had to worry about what might disagree with my stomach - but that was the thing, sometimes I would eat something and be fine, then eat it a day or week or month later, and be sooo much LESS than fine. Now I can't pick up anything in the "inner aisles" of the grocery store without scanning the ingredient list - some of the things in the outer aisles need to be scanned, too. So I guess what I miss most is my ignorance? It's easy to be ignorant. Now I have to make good choices or pay the price (nausea, head ache, general malaise).

But for specifics:

I miss oreos.
I miss being able to whip up a batch of cookies or cupcakes.
I miss pie.
I miss macaroni and cheese.
I miss tortillas. (Have yet to have a taco in the last two months that doesn't have my entire face and both hands covered in taco-stuff.)
I miss being able to buy a box/bag of "food" for lazy food preparation.
I miss sammiches.


But it's getting better. It's getting easier. When I see a picture of a sandwhich, I recoil a bit, because I know how terrible and awful I would feel if I ate it. Christmas at my parents' was a fun exercise in staying gluten free. I didn't want to be miserable, but my mom had made poppyseed bread, which is my absolute favourite! so I kept joking about different processsed food stuffs - well, if it has gluten in it, at least I'll be able to enjoy the poppyseed bread because I'll already be feeling miserable from this! Luckily (unluckily?) nothing I ate had gluten in it (except for some gravy at a HyVee food court. oops!)

So, I've been gluten free (except for two mishaps) since Dec. 1. And I've had very little in the way of any sort of grain in that time, too. I've made steps toward eliminating (or severely cutting back) the presence of processed food-stuff in my diet. I've almost completely eliminated franken-foods like hydrogenated vegetable(*cough*SOY*cough*) oils and HFCS.

Go me!

homecoming

As much as I sometimes want to punch my brother in the mouth (he's a staunch libertarian, I'm very left-wing liberal), I still love him... Kind of.

And today, he is starting his journey home from serving in Afghanistan!! I'm so happy for him and his family. I know it's been rough for his wife and three kids; hopefully he's done with deployments. As for me, I know I'll be sleeping easier at night, knowing he's not having bullets whizzing by his head (Once heard from my mom that he said "It's just like TV, you're running and you can see the bullets hitting the ground" OMG!)

A bit of good news as an early Xmas present. :)

wheat!

So I've been off wheat for two weeks now. And I have to say, I'm doing great! I've also severely cut back on my refined sugar and caffeine intake.

I've gone from having bowel issues (sorry, TMI) to having none. Well, except when I used apparently contaminated garlic powder (Great Value from Walmart. "May contain traces of wheat, soy, etc, etc). Stupid garlic powder :(

I'm sleeping better. I used to wake up sooo groggy and I wanted nothing more than to crawl back in bed and stay there. I had about 4 hours a day where I felt energized. Now, I wake up and while I still want to crawl back into bed and stay there (because my thermostat is set on 60 so my house is cold, but my bed is WARM WARM WARM), I wake up fairly quickly and easily. I'm energized All. Day. Long.

And most importantly: I'm not constantly hungry! I used to be hungry ALL the time. I would eat, then twenty minutes later, I'd be starving. Now I stay full! It's awesome. I had dinner two hours ago. I'm still full. Yes!